Uncertainty – how it affects your life and what to do about it?
Recently I chatted to Shama Dhanani, soul coach and success shaman, about how uncertainty affects our lives and what to do about it. The one thing about uncertainty is that it is certain. So with this in mind, how can you find flow within the idea that change is constant?
Back in October last year, I experienced a strong feeling of uncertainty with a friendship and where I stood with the people I have been closest to. I wanted my friends to throw me a birthday party and because nobody was throwing me one, I felt a lack of confidence of where I stood in connection to my friends. And because nobody was really saying anything, I started filling in the blanks and making assumptions about my friendships, thinking that nobody wanted to celebrate with me. When you experience uncertainty in your life, it’s so easy to start to fill in blanks with assumptions – it’s like our brain takes uncertainty and turns it into a huge dramatic story. But the more and more we approach uncertainty, the more we learn how to not let it become a destructive force.
Shama shared her story of uncertainty of when she was working in corporate America and she had to transition from this space into a more entrepreneurial space. For her this was a forced choice at the time. 3-5 years ago the universe threw her into a space of needing to make a choice, which obviously created a lot of uncertainty.
No matter what role you play in the world – whether you’re a manager, employee, working mom or someone who has been in a consistent space for a long time, there have still been changes during those times…and like we’ve said – where there is change, there will be uncertainty. But with each time we manage through change, we evolve and the way we approach change becomes more sophisticated as we learn more tools to deal with change. These tools also help us leap-frog the monkey mind that fills in the blanks, and get to what’s really going on.
Uncertainty can also lead us into freeze mode if we let it. But if you listen to what’s underneath uncertainty, you can realign yourself with what’s true for you and not make decisions that ultimately don’t align with you. Freeze mode comes in many forms – procrastination, doubts, and excuses. It’s helpful to notice when you’re starting to freeze so that you can locate where it is happening in your body and NOT let it spread. Listening to your body can help give you a road map of where to go – especially listening to emotions! For example, if you’re angry that someone is achieving x, y and z in their life and you feel anger, this anger is showing you a mirror of what you actually desire. In a sense the anger helps you get real with what you want.
If you’re expanding in your life in any way, this expansion opens up space for a lot of uncertainty! Then of course there is more space for uncertainty to get in and poke at you and that’s when freeze mode is likely to kick in. The more you listen to your body and feelings, the more clues you will get to guide you in an authentic direction. The poking and uncertainty are in essence messengers to help you move through the uncertainty.
Shama and I will be running workshops in New York and Philadelphia, focusing on providing tools to guide you through uncertainty. Shama will be giving us a taste of hypnotherapy and soul coaching while I will be using a moving meditation in salt to get deeper into what’s going on for you.